[Secret Jackalope!!] d100 Skeletons for Betty Bacontime

We are doing Secret Jackalope again on the OSR discord server! I already got my gift, and it is a wonderful creepy set of cosmic horror Tarot Major Arcana, check it out.

My prompt was from Betty Bacontime, who runs the Paper Elemental blog. The request was elegant and simple, I quote: "Skeletons. Thank you."

Skeletons? With pleasure!

This skeleton... (d100)

(roll d100 and read below!)

1. Has a songbird trapped inside its ribcage.
2. Is actually a puppet, you can see the strings if you look close enough – but who is the puppeteer?
3. Wears a wide-rimmed hat with a fancy ostrich feather.
4. Has gems inserted into the eye sockets.
5. Chatters with its teeth all the time, it’s creepy.
6. Has six fingers.
7. Whirls around in the skeletal remains of a ballgown (you know, one with a steel cage crinoline).
8. Is barely held together by leather straps and belts.
9. Has moss growing on its skull.
10. Only wants to hug one last time.
11. Has occult-looking symbols engraved on its ribs – possibly a spell scroll?
12. Wears a hangman’s noose around its neck.
13. Has two heads.
14. Is chained up.
15. Holds a smaller skeleton by the hand.
16. Has adamantium-plated bones.
17. Rips off its own arm and uses it as a club.
18. Hops around on hooves.
19. Wears a Venetian carnival mask.
20. Tries to drink from a bottle, but the vine splashes through its ribs.
21. Wears heavy gold bracelets and anklets.
22. Serves a local lord as butler.
23. Is held together by silver pins and wires.
24. Can jump up to 30’ and screams while airborne.
25. Is twice as tall as the tallest player character.
26. Still has hair, somehow attached to its skull. Long and curly.
27. Escaped from a school biology classroom.
28. Has a proper meaty non-skeletal arm – this is actually the arm of a murderer that was grafted onto it before its death.
29. Scribbles poems on walls in mirror writing.
30. Has shark’s teeth.
31. Still wears the faulty jetpack that caused its demise.
32. Falls apart and recollects every couple of rounds.
33. Wears glasses, hell, maybe even sunglasses!
34. Has a dagger stuck in its solar plexus (if removed, the skeleton falls apart).
35. Is actually just half a skeleton (halved by a precise vertical cut).
36. Is the stand-in for Slash in a yodeling Guns n’ Roses cover band.
37. Communicates in Morse code (by tapping on its hipbone).
38. Has four arms.
39. Is humanoid, but has a long reptile tail.
40. Sports large, coiled ram’s horns.
41. Glows in the dark.
42. Has an obsidian blade for its tongue.
43. Reminds you of someone you know.
44. Can speak (despite having no organs) and has a soothing ASMR voice.
45. Crawls around on sheer surfaces and ceilings.
46. Is friends with a toad or a cat.
47. Has a flaming skull.
48. Can detach its head and use it as a scout.
49. Is armed with kitchen utensils (butcher knife or cleaver as weapon, pan as shield, pot as helmet).
50. Has no legs, yet still walks, as if on phantom limbs.
51. Knows your name, somehow.
52. Has a small dragon curled around its neck.
53. Is painted red with ochre.
54. Carries a large sealed jug with an ooze monster inside.
55. Wears an impressive amount of medals from the Skeleton Wars.
56. Is for hire: it can do whatever your henchman does, but better and for half the price.
57. Has a jack-o-lantern for its head, and, despite being carved, it changes and has a limited array facial expressions.
58. Wears a clip-on tie.
59. Contains the tastiest bone marrow.
60. Is the infamous Skeleton Interrogator.
61. Plays a trumpet.
62. Is made out of wood, painted white.
63. Was abandoned by its necromantic master.
64. Wears a complete but very rusty set of plate armor; the helmet is adorned with a silver crown.
65. Smokes a pipe of funny weeds.
66. Is a bee’s nest, and yes, skeleton honey is very healthy.
67. Has a big chunk missing out of its skull, and the remains of the brain are still visible.
68. Produces an eerie melody when the wind blows through its frame, like an Aeolian harp.
69. Is wrapped in the kingdom’s flag.
70. Wears cowboy boots, complete with silver spurs.
71. Hopes one day to become whole again.
72. Is able to Turn Undead as a cleric.
73. Just got out from a shallow grave and is pretty grumpy.
74. Can fire death lasers from its eye sockets.
75. Has a golden tooth.
76. Wears a monk’s cowl, with a ruby sewn into the hem.
77. Commands a small army of mice.
78. Is covered in seaweed and barnacles.
79. Wears a jester’s outfit.
80. Explodes into a cloud of sleeping powder upon destruction.
81. Doesn’t get along with the other skellies.
82. Can open any lock.
83. Has functioning vulture wings sprouting from its back.
84. Fights like a fencing champion.
85. Has spikey bone protrusions and uses them as weapons.
86. Is still working on that novel.
87. Can outrun a race horse, but only on short distance.
88. Carries a briefcase full of important documents.
89. Wears a cursed chainmail shirt that turns the wearer into a skeleton.
90. Growls and wheezes.
91. Has a religious symbol embossed on its forehead.
92. Wields what is clearly a Wand of Magic Missiles, but uses it as a club – on maximum melee damage, the wand breaks (the characters understand this) and releases all the charges it has.
93. Walks around in circles.
94. Wears armor gloves with steel claws.
95. Offers a drink from an empty chipped crystal chalice.
96. Is covered in cobwebs and can release dangerous spiders from its mouth.
97. Communicates telepathically.
98. Has a hook hand and a pirate hat, and if put on a ship, navigates it to the treasure island.
99. Can reorganize itself into any shape, as long as all bones are used.
100. Rides a pale horse.