Sunday, December 8, 2019

d66 things that happen when you inject your liquified henchmen

Because that's obviously something that happens!

Written as part of the "OSR Weapons Race", which started with this, then escalated and led to this & this. Don't miss the consequences of eating a dead monster either. Who knows what the future holds?

Especially if an unknowable supernatural force turns your hireling into jelly. You scoop it up, fill a syringe, and inject the substance... roll to see

d66 things that happen when you inject your liquified henchmen

11   You sprout an extra arm, but it can only be used to carry a lantern. If you put a weapon in it, it detaches and flees.
12   Now you only answer to the henchman's name. You didn't learn their name before they died a gruesome death in your service? Tough luck, You-Who-Cannot-be-Named!
13   You gain +1 to your Attack Bonus if your weapon is cheap and unremarkable.
14   Sympathy for hirelings! You are unwilling to manipulate henchmen any further.
15   Whenever a town crier shouts out a message, you can decipher its hidden meaning, which is probably something sinister.
16   You learn about the existence of a "Henchpeople & Hirelings Trade Union". They keep a secret list of blackmail material on famed adventurers.

21   From now on, whenever you are explicitly hired to do something, and get paid for it, you gain 5% of the reward/payment/salary as experience points.
22   Whatever force liquefied the henchman is now affecting you. You have 1 week before you turn into a mindless ooze.
23   You drop to 1 Hit dice. All other stats remain unchanged.
24   A small second consciousness appears next to your own. You gain an extra spell slot (of the lowest order), even if you are not a spellcaster.
25   Your spit becomes acidic. Each day, enough acid gathers in your mouth for one spit attack (range 30', 1d6 damage). If you don't use it up (e.g. if you are unconscious for a day!), you take the damage.
26   Special one-time offer: get a 20% discount on your next hireling OR free shipping!

31   You learn a new language, but speak it in a way that's only acceptable among sailors.
32   Rashes & a burning sensation, followed by a loss of 1 HD.
33   From now on, every time you want to do something very dangerous, you must make a Loyalty check to see if you obey yourself.
34   You gain a random annoying quirk or mannerism.
35   Only the Referee knows this: the next henchman hired by this character will be a disloyal backstabbing traitor. Effect to tell the player: you cry green bile.
36   You are immune to whatever caused the liquification of the henchperson in the first place.

41   Logistical genius. You can now carry 150% more stuff.
42   Your body secretes weird fluids. In 4 weeks, you can harvest enough to mold it into a golem servant. This 2 HD ooze golem serves you for 1d6 days, then turns against you.
43   You feel useful! You are having a wonderful time! Save against Poison to avoid addiction to this peculiar type of euphoria.
44   Only the Referee knows this: the next henchman hired by this character will be exceptionally loyal. Effect to tell the player: you cry quicksilver tears.
45   From now on, you are ready to do anything dangerous against your best judgement if another player character gives you a 100 silver.
46   You gain the ability to turn/command oozes, as a Cleric of the same level as you would turn/command undead.

51   Double the maximum amount of hirelings you can have.
52   Beloved by Blobs!: oozes and similar creatures want to hug you.
53   If another player character orders you to do something and you obey, they must share their experience points with you for that session.
54   Dogs now hate you.
55   From now on, people tend to forget you exist.
56   The place of injection becomes swollen. When the swelling goes away, there is a purple tattoo-like portrait of the dead henchman on your skin.

61   You gain some of the mundane knowledge the henchman had: turnip farming, origami, cross stitching, etc.
62   Your appearance completely morphs into that of the liquified hireling. Stats, abilities, personality don't change.
63   People who usually hate adventurers think that you are kind of alright.
64   You can no longer digest normal food, BUT can eat anything acidic and horrifically oozy without risk to your health.
65   The dead hireling haunts you, distracting you in the worst possible moments.
66   You die, but the party can hire you in the next town for 100 silver per character level. You are simply there, waiting for them. Stats remain unchanged, all equipment is lost.

"Melting wax head" by antismiley101


  1. Replies
    1. Yes, yes, this is, uhm, a joke, humor, nothing like this comes up in our games :D

    2. I'm trying to compile a "Book of online random tables" and I'd like to include a few of yours (in particular this one and the one about smoking scrolls).
      Is there a way to get into contact? ( florent. didier. translations [at] gmail. com is my address, without spaces)

  2. Oh geeze. That last one is something else.